I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!

Boy, I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!

I’m trying too see things from your point of view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass!

Run along and die now!!

The beatings will continue until my moral improves.

If you want breakfast in bed, go sleep in the kitchen.

It’s not „Princess”, It’s „Madam Queen Goddess of Her Royal Highest May I Kiss Your Feet”!! Now try it again!!!

You’re an inspiration to idiots everywhere!

I hear voices, and the don’t like you!

Stand back, I’m having a creative moment!

If I got smart with you, how would you know?

Officer, I swear to drunk I’m not God!!!!

You men are on this planet because vibrators can’t buy drinks.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you’ll be devastated then!

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good, either.

You’d better get back to your cage. I think the zoo has reported you missing.

No, I don’t have PMS. I just really hate you.

So many idiots, so few bullets.

Silence is golden…duct tape is silver.

My dog is friendly, but beware of the owner!

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was gonna blame you for it!

Your lips keep moving, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah….”

On your mark! Get set! GO AWAY!!!

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps… I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

I’m sorry, are you modelling for a Dumb&Dumber poster?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When that liar said “I love you”, I sneezed and said “Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit”.

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

This isn’t just „goodbye”, this is „I can’t stand you”

Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork!

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

.Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.

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