de pe net


Reasons I’ll never be a romance heroine

  • I’m a healthy 5’7” , so in order to “just reach his shoulders”, he would have to be at least 6’6” . How many tall guys do you think there are?
  • Because I don’t ask guys for help. Not even when I need it.I’ve learned to reinstall my Windows and repair howsehold appliances, the rest I’ll just wing it
  • Because I like men-sports.
  • If my boss wanted to sleep with me, I’d slap a 100 000$ law suit on his ass.
  • I have a chest, but no one has ever gone speecless from seeing it
  • I actually need a monthly wax, daily scrubing and moisturizer in order to have a smooth skin
  • When I wake up in the morning I don’t look “sexy rumpled”, but with a bad case of bed hair, morning breath, red eyes and a need to visit the bathroom, have a caffeine IV and a smoke
  • I would never say to a man that I’ve just met and brought home “Forget the condom, I want to feel you in me without that latex thing
  • I’d never bring home a man I’ve just met that night, however hot he is
  • If I’d see a 10” “hammer”, I’d run screaming into the night, not “link my lips and spread my legs
  • If I’d try to run from the assassin/rapist/average bad guy, he’d catch up in about 50 meters and drag a fainted me back to his evil lair
  • I’m 24, but I’m not a virgin
  • Even when I was a virgin, I knew exactly what the act entitled, and I dreaded the first few times
  • When presented with a certain view of male anatomy I have never wondered myself or anybody else “What does that do?”,How will it ever fit?” or “How exactly does this work?”
  • The idea of having sex with someone who has slept with dozens of other women is unappealing…like taking a number at the deli counter – „now serving no.46
  • My house does not look “pleasantly lived-in and full of personality”, but rather like “a bomb exploded in downtown Bagdad at rush-hour
  • I curse like a sailor when I’m furious
  • Nobody is ever going to look at me and feel a rush of protective instinct.

Well, the holiday has gone and past, and sice I had some free time on my hands, I’m sorry to inform you that I’ve fallen into the evil clutches of the Romance Novels Evil Masterminds.

In other words, I just read a bunch of books written by women…along the lines of Sandra Brown and Danielle Steel. Yes, I’ve become brain-washed and a romantic fiction addict, deal with it!!!

Which gave me the idea of these lists:

ATTENTION: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE 🙂

Reasons why romance novels are clearly fiction

  • The 26-year-old virgin is as elusive as the Loch Ness monster
  • 30-year-old billionairs have had 40 years worth of plastic surgery
  • Not all men have 10” “tools”
  • Not all women’s nipples are “small and pink”
  • Women don’t have an orgasm just by tasting their partner’s cum, and men do not say “You taste like peaches, I want to do this forever” when going down on a woman

Barbatii si gratarul

Cand un barbat se declara pregatit sa preia prepararea gratarului, se
declanseaza urmatoarea serie de evenimente:
1) femeia cumpara mancarea
2) femeia face salata, pregateste legumele si desertul
3) femeia pregateste carnea pentru gratar, o asaza pe o tava, impreuna cu toate celelalte ustensile necesare si o duce afara, unde barbatul sta deja asezat cu o bere in mana in fata gratarului.

Si aici vine punctul cel mai important al intregii desfasurari:
4) BARBATUL ASAZA CARNEA PE GRATAR!
5) apoi mai multe activitati de rutina, femeia aduce farfuriile si tacamurile afara
6) femeia informeaza barbatul ca mai e putin si carnea se arde
7) el ii multumeste pentru aceasta informatie importanta si mai comanda
totodata inca o bere la ea, in timp ce el se ocupa de situatia de urgenta

Si apoi inca un punct foarte important!

8) BARBATUL IA CARNEA DE PE GRATAR SI O DA FEMEII!
9) apoi urmeaza din nou rutina. Femeia aranjeaza farfuriile, salata, painea, tacamurile, servetelele si sosurile si aduce totul afara pe masa.
10) Dupa masa femeia elibereaza masa, o curata, spala vasele

Si din nou, foarte important!!!:
11) TOTI IL LAUDA PE BARBAT PENTRU CALITATILE LUI IN ARTA GATITULUI SI II MULTUMESC PENTRU MANCAREA SUPER BUNA!
12) Barbatul o intreaba pe femeie cum i-a placut faptul ca nu a fost nevoita sa gateasca si cand observa ca ea e cam botoasa, ajunge la concluzia, ca pe femei nu le poti multumi oricum niciodata.

Si seara eventual te intreaba de ce nu ai chef…. 🙂

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