maxime


Well, the holiday has gone and past, and sice I had some free time on my hands, I’m sorry to inform you that I’ve fallen into the evil clutches of the Romance Novels Evil Masterminds.

In other words, I just read a bunch of books written by women…along the lines of Sandra Brown and Danielle Steel. Yes, I’ve become brain-washed and a romantic fiction addict, deal with it!!!

Which gave me the idea of these lists:

ATTENTION: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE 🙂

Reasons why romance novels are clearly fiction

  • The 26-year-old virgin is as elusive as the Loch Ness monster
  • 30-year-old billionairs have had 40 years worth of plastic surgery
  • Not all men have 10” “tools”
  • Not all women’s nipples are “small and pink”
  • Women don’t have an orgasm just by tasting their partner’s cum, and men do not say “You taste like peaches, I want to do this forever” when going down on a woman
Anunțuri

1. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big
dick or a good memory.
I don’t remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the
condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex,
she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard
feelings…’

5. There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to men – ‘don’t’
and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the
best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life:
Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly, and
Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t
have a good partner,
you’d better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer
were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with
the enemy.

13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?

A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole
thing. He was happy with
the Hole and she was happy with the Thing……

15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

16. Despite the old saying, ‘ Don ‘t take your
troubles to bed’, many men
still sleep with their wives!!


I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!

Boy, I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!

I’m trying too see things from your point of view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass!

Run along and die now!!

The beatings will continue until my moral improves.

If you want breakfast in bed, go sleep in the kitchen.

It’s not „Princess”, It’s „Madam Queen Goddess of Her Royal Highest May I Kiss Your Feet”!! Now try it again!!!

You’re an inspiration to idiots everywhere!

I hear voices, and the don’t like you!

Stand back, I’m having a creative moment!

If I got smart with you, how would you know?

Officer, I swear to drunk I’m not God!!!!

You men are on this planet because vibrators can’t buy drinks.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you’ll be devastated then!

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good, either.

You’d better get back to your cage. I think the zoo has reported you missing.

No, I don’t have PMS. I just really hate you.

So many idiots, so few bullets.

Silence is golden…duct tape is silver.

My dog is friendly, but beware of the owner!

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was gonna blame you for it!

Your lips keep moving, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah….”

On your mark! Get set! GO AWAY!!!

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps… I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

I’m sorry, are you modelling for a Dumb&Dumber poster?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When that liar said “I love you”, I sneezed and said “Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit”.

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

This isn’t just „goodbye”, this is „I can’t stand you”

Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork!

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

.Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.

Recuperez timpul in care am lipsit 😀


Sinceritatea absoluta e ceva tot atat de neconfortabil ca si minciuna perpetua.

De regula e bine sa ai un barbat pe langa casa omului, cu exceptia cazurilor cand este bolnav, somer sau pensionar

Complexitatea unui program va creste pâna va depasi capacitatea de întelegere a operatorului care trebuie sa lucreze cu el.

Ca sa intelegi ca esti prost trebuie totusi sa-ti mearga mintea.

Este de o mie de ori mai bine sa fii optimist si sa te inseli, decat sa fii pesimist si sa ai dreptate.

Munca in echipa presupune in primul rand sa-ti pierzi jumatate din timp explicandu-le celorlalti de ce nu au dreptate.

E loc sub soare pentru toata lumea. Mai ales ca toata lumea vrea sa stea la umbra.

Primul om care a preferat sa injure decat sa dea cu piatra poate fi considerat inventatorul civilizatiei.


You know it’s going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

„There’s something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be… violated”

Logica este ceea ce ne ajuta sa gresim cu fermitate.

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